Better Grab a Muffin!

As I sat on my bed tonight, flipping through a copy of "The Valley of Vision," and pondering the testimony I'm going to present to a room of Middle/High schoolers tomorrow night, I came across the remnants of a quiet afternoon I spent in a coffee shop last summer. Enfolded in the worn pages was a napkin with an illustrated caribou on it, encouraging me to "grab a muffin." Apparently, I failed to grab said pastry, but I did, however, use the napkin to scribble down some thoughts:

"Today I feel small...

Today I feel foolish and unlovely...

it strikes me that I am, in fact all of these things, yet my Savior loved me nonetheless. He loved me with a divine, unquenchable love. So why am I sad?

I'm sad because I like to feel like I deserve things. I want to be loved because I am beautiful or smart or fun or adorable. I don't like the idea of being loved despite myself.

this is because of my PRIDE.

And yet, my Savior does find me beautiful. He has made me beautiful."

On the page opposite this scribbled napkin is a puritan's prayer: 

Belonging to Jesus

"OH HEAVENLY FATHER,

Teach me to see

that if Christ has pacified thee and satisfied divine justice

he can also deliver me from my sins;

that Christ does not desire me, now justified,

to live in self-confidence in my own strength,

but gives me the law of the Spirit of life

to enable me to obey thee;

that the Spirit and his power are mine

by resting on Christ's death;

that the Spirit of Life within answers to the law without;

that if I sin not I should thank thee for it;

that if I sin I should be humbled daily under it;

that I should mourn for sin more than other men do,

for when I see I shall die because of sin,

that makes me mourn;

when I see how sin strikes at thee,

that makes me mourn;

when I see that sin caused Christ' death,

that makes me mourn;

that sanctification is the evidence of reconciliation,

proving that faith has truly apprehended Christ;

Thou hast taught me

that faith is nothing else than receiving thy kindness;

that it is an adherence to Christ, a resting on him,

love clinging to him as a branch to the tree,

to seek life and vigour from him.

I thank thee for showing me the vast difference

between knowing things by reason,

and knowing them by the spirit of faith.

By reason I see a thing is so; by faith I know it as it is.

I have seen thee by reason and have not been amazed,

I have see thee as thou art in thy Son

and have been ravished to behold thee.

I bless thee that I am thine in my Savior, Jesus."

I was sitting on a tall stool by the window, watching the traffic on Roswell Road and grappling with Christ's love. The Sun shone across the table and warmed my back and shoulders. I can still feel that mingling of shame and gratitude as though I were sitting there now. God embraced me that day, through the warmth of the sun and an abstract, yet undeniable confirmation of His affection. Eric Liddell felt God's pleasure in running; on that day I felt it in a cup of steaming coffee and a half hour of quietness.

I am glad that Jesus is a man. The God of Heaven knows how good it can feel to bask in the sun, or enjoy a good drink. I am glad that someday, when both this world and I have been redeemed and made new, I will be able to sit next to Jesus. Maybe He will sit and enjoy a cup of coffee with me like He did that day last summer. Maybe He will laugh at the enthusiastic, yet heretical fantasies my fallen and limited mind once entertained... and posted on an online blog. ;)

 All heresies aside, this reminds me that God is everywhere, and in everything. A youth pastor once encouraged me to look for God in the mundane activities of life. He is there.

Tomorrow, it is my job to meet with God amidst the packing of suitcases. I trust that as He clothes each lily of the field, He also takes an interest in packing my clothes for a semester abroad. My God is big enough to redeem my soul and yet near enough to help me count socks and fold sweaters.