where does the time go?

What should be happening right now is this: I should be writing my Modern Irish Essay on "Waiting for Godot." But, as I have learned, there is a fine line between procrastination and responsible time management.

Last weekend I spent in Edinburgh with Susan and Emilie. It was a gorgeous weekend, and a precious time with much loved friends. Who would have ever thought that the three of us would find ourselves together in Edinburgh? If you had told us that back when we were all playing dolls and watching "The Parent Trap," I think we would have given you a rather blank stare. The distance each of us have come over the years can only be attributed to the unquenchable power of Christ, and I am thankful, more now than ever, for those friendships. 

We had a great time, bumming around in shops and cafes, walking the Royal Mile and touring the Castle, and hitting the clubs. The first night we arrived, we simply sat in Susan's kitchen and talked for hours over pizza from the chippy. We talked about our faith, and our friends and the ways we've been growing and stretching and being challenged. We talked about the last ten years, and the next ten years and the places God is taking us. Hopes, dreams, fears. We talked about the things only old friends can truly talk about. We talked without self-consciousness and just loved each other, knowing that we were known. It was refreshing beyond description.

Susan showed us some really cool places that I'm sure I would have never seen outside of the native scene, from the fried mars bars at the chippy down the street, to Frankenstein and The Rat Pack. She has thrown herself whole-heartedly into her time abroad. I think Edinburgh is truly a home for her now. She knows it and loves it and belongs. Leaving in the next few weeks will not be easy.

As the end of my time at Oxford draws nigh, I find myself cramming more and more into each week's agenda, trying to soak in everything I possibly can here. This week, along with essays and reading and tutorials, I'm attending three plays/shows. Wednesday night, I went to see a student performance of "Oklahoma." Yes, my first and only experience with "Oklahoma," the (debatably) great American musical, was at Oxford University. It was both a strange and wonderful experience. The students did a great job with it, and I was genuinely impressed with many of their American accents. A few of them could have truly fooled me if I met them on the street. I just want to know who chose, out of every musical in the world, to do "Oklahoma." It was awesome. And a few of the friends I've met at Keble were in it, which made it all the better. 

Last night, I went with a group of us UGA folks to see Spring Awakening at the Oxford Playhouse. The primary reason I saw it was because Anna Popplewell (Susan from the new Narnia movies) was in it. And yes, it was cool to see her on stage (especially since I was sitting on the front row somehow...), but overall I thought the play was kinda dumb. I'm considering going back and reading it sometime to see if it actually makes any sense, or if it's really as silly as it seemed. The acting was fantastic, but otherwise, not my favorite. After the show we went out to Po Na Na (one of the clubs here in Oxford) and danced the night away. I had my first sketchy club guy experience, which I feel deserves a full description here:

Heather: [dancing with friends]

Sketchball: [trying to dance with them]

Heather: [ignoring him intensely]

Sketchball: [comes over anyway, and tries to start conversation. (keep in mind, the music is extremely loud...)] So!... *unintelligible words*

Heather: What?

Sketchball: *unintelligible words*

Heather: What?!

Sketchball: WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

Heather: I'm from Georgia.

Sketchball: Oh, I've never been to Canada...

Heather: really... [smiles inwardly at this imbecile, until she realizes in horror that all her friends just moved to a different part of the floor and she is alone with him. begins inching away.]

Sketchball: *lots and lots of unintelligible words, complete with arm gesturing, shrugging and a whole lot of spitting*

Heather: yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. [Turns and dances rapidly away]

Sketchball: [probably just kept talking. who knows.]

Anyway, the rest of the night was sketchy club guy free and I had a blast dancing with all my UGA buddies.

Tonight, me and my roomies are going to see Sense and Sensibility at Magdalen College (pronounced like "Maudlin"... no one knows why... I asked.), and tomorrow I'm planning to take a day trip to Dover with some of the girls. 

In other words, life is good.

Daniel 2:20-22:

Daniel answered and said:

"Blessed be the name of God forever and ever,

to whom belong wisdom and might.

He changes times and seasons;

he removes kings and sets up kings;

he gives wisdom to the wise

and knowledge to those who have understanding;

he reveals deep and hidden things;

he knows what is in the darkness,

and the light dwells with him."

It's Gonna Be Alright

I'm sitting on my bed looking over the various suitcases I've just packed, and wondering what's in them. Emilie and I are catching a train up to Edinburgh today to visit Scotland, and more importantly Miss Susan Crisler. I can't wait to see Scotland again, since I first set foot there as an 8th grader I think it's been my heart's home. It is always a thrill to see how it changes to me as I grow older, like visiting a friend you haven't seen in many years.

Only 3 weeks remain to me here in Oxford. I'm not sure where the time has gone, but I am certain it has been well spent. I will treasure this experience all my life: the little nooks I have discovered, the people I have met, the study, the coffee, the rain, the flowers. I will miss looking out my window and pondering about the tiny church steeple cross that just peeks over the rooftops behind the garden. It's the tiny little intimate details of Oxford that have won me over irreversibly. Like Marietta, or Chattanooga, I think this place will always have a hint of home for me.

Since the last time I wrote on here, more things have happened then I could possibly record, but some of the highlights have been:

• Participating in Cuppers with the Keble Ballroom team. I danced the Jive with a wonderful girl named Kashmali (I got to be the man... which was an interesting experience). We actually did much better than we expected (4 rounds!) considering that neither of us had ever danced the Jive before and we only danced together a few times before the competition. It was quite a laugh for us... Anyway, I had an absolutely wonderful time dancing and hanging out with the team. Keble's A team won the competition, and we all had curry and celebrated. Not only did I get to enjoy Indian food for the first time, but I got to chat with Amy and Shantha who have quickly become two of my favorite people here. Shantha is from Edinburgh, and Amy from somewhere near Manchester. I'm currently trying to convince them to come visit me in the States. Amy says she wants to see Lookout Mountain. :)
• The Dedication of the UGA house was last Tuesday night. Overall it was a nice ceremony and a pretty good night. But that's another story for another time...
• Visited the Mannheims in Tetbury. It was SO refreshing to just drive around the gorgeous Cotswolds with Emilie, and we had somewhat of a Jane Austen nerd weekend, having tea in the Jane Austen Centre in Bath, visiting Dyrham Park and watching a new mini series of Sense and Sensibility. I love my spare family!!

God has been teaching me about boldness and being open and genuine. He has been teaching me about the comfort and love He provides. He has been teaching me that He can carry me through anything, including essays. ;)

"It's gonna be alright.

It's gonna be alright.

I believe you'll outlive this pain in your heart,

And you'll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart,

Oh, I believe, I believe that

It's gonna be alright."

~Sara Groves (I was getting a little tense about my schoolwork last night, but Sara told me that it's gonna be alright. I appreciated it.)

I love you all!!

I Feel the Earth Move

Last week was officially one of the craziest weeks of my life. We'll start from Wednesday night:

So, Wednesday, after you last heard from me, I basically skulked around all night feeling miserable and decided to blow off the Modern Irish Paper (we get 3 weeks off with the paper writing, so it was no big deal), watched a movie and went to bed. Thursday morning, which was May Day (the first of the month is apparently a big deal here) was quite a festive occasion. I arose at 4 in the morning to make my way up High street with Catherine and Kristin. We stood under the Magdalen bell tower with about a thousand other people (all of whom seemed to be either students who'd been out drinking all night, or 100% sober tourists like us) to hear the  Choir sing as the sun rose. It was a bit anti-climatic, as we could hardly hear the choir over the drunken chanting that simultaneously arose, but it was worth the experience nonetheless. (I was having a Lewis nerd moment because it reminded me of Shadowlands)

As the crowds dispersed from Magdalen, we sought out some breakfast and found ourselves enjoying pancakes at the St. Aldates Tavern. When our plates were clean and glasses drained, we ventured out into the crowded streets once more, making out way through morris dancing, and people dressed like trees to Keble, where we listened to their (or I should say our) choir sing a service from the chapel roof, before enjoying a second breakfast (it's not just for Hobbits anymore...). The rest of the day was pretty quiet for me, but it's safe to say that the celebration was still going in the pubs around town all day long.

Now, we'll fast forward through the mists of my cold-ridden memory to saturday, the night of the Keble Ball. 

Saturday was consumed by shopping, cold medicine, and preparations for the night to come. At about 8:30 we all set out towards Keble, fully decked out and ready for we didn't know exactly what. After several minutes in line outside (in which I got to talk to my big bro on the phone. Did you know that he just graduated?!), we made it in and got a glass of champagne, which I imagine was strategically placed to calm us down before we were totally overwhelmed by the magnitude of the thing. There were tons of stands everywhere with champagne, beer, pimms and lemonade and various other drinks, stir fry, hot dogs, donuts, etc. Under a huge tent in the middle was a dance floor with live music. There was also a casino, sumo wrestling, a moon walk, gladiator fighting, the pub was decked out as a bar, which also had a dance floor, there were touch up stations for hair and makeup, kung foo demos as well as other things that I was probably completely unaware of (I heard rumors of free massages and the like). Basically, it was crazy huge and I suffered from severe brain-overload when we first got there.

We did, however, recover from the shock and all generally had a really great time. I am proud to say that I made it all the way until the survivors picture at 4am. Although I'm not sure if I was actually in the picture or not. I didn't realize that everyone was gathering under a particular window to have their picture taken, I just started following the crowd, so if I am in the picture, I'm probably looking confused, and definitely not looking up at the camera.

I think my favorite point in the night was when the band played Sweet Home Alabama. All of us American kids rushed the stage and went crazy. There was much dancing, singing and arm-pumping, accompanied by Jeremiah's shouting of "Representing the American South!!!!" which caused a few of us to cover our faces in slight shame. ;) 

Overall, it was a great time. The low point was definitely when I arrived home at 4:30 to find everyone in my room huddled around my roommate Katie. She and Emily had left me and some others on the dance floor to go home, but had apparently decided to have one more go at the Sumo Wrestling. This ended up being a slight mistake, as it left Katie with a minor concussion. Thus, we stayed up pretty much the rest of the night to make sure she was ok. And she is, thank God, although she's still pretty exhausted and a little woozy.

Needless to say, yesterday was a rather quiet day around the UGA house, and Keble as well. Every face I encountered had a similar haggard, yet content look about it. I spent the day resting and reading Ruth, praying through the Valley of Vision, going to Chapel and contemplating the six weeks I have left here. I've been praying that God will use me in these weeks, that I will not squander this time.

Speaking of which, I must now turn away from such pleasant remembrances and face the work of the week ahead. I have a date with Mr. Geoffrey Chaucer this afternoon, and he makes no promises to have me home by 10pm...

Love to all!

Christlikeness from "The Valley of Vision"

"Dawn returns, but without thy light within no outward light can profit;

Give me the saving lamp of thy Spirit that I may see thee,

the God of my salvation, the delight of my soul, rejoicing over me in love.

I commend my heart to thy watchful care,

for I know its treachery and power;

Guard its every portal from the wily enemy,

Give me quick discernment of his deadly arts,

Help me to recognize his bold disguise as an angel of light,

and bid him begone.

May my words and works allure others to the highest walks of faith and love!

May loiterers be quickened to greater diligence by my example!

May worldlings be won to delight in acquaintance with thee!

May the timid and irresolute be warned of coming doom by my zeal for Jesus!

Cause me to be a mirror of thy grace,

to show others the joy of thy service,

May my lips be well-tuned cymbals

sounding thy praise,

Let a halo of heavenly-mindedness

sparkle around me

and a lamp of kindness sunbeam my path.

Teach me the happy art of attending to things temporal

with a mind intent on things eternal.

Send me forth to have compassion on the ignorant and miserable.

Help me to walk as Jesus walked,

my only Saviour and perfect model,

his mind my inward guest,

his meekness my covering garb.

Let my happy place be amongst the poor in spirit,

my delight the gentle ranks of the meek,

Let me always esteem others better than myself,

and find true humility

an heirdom to two worlds." 

Amen

Happiness Is a Warm Cup of Tea

To be perfectly honest, I'm currently fighting against various forms of despondency and illness. 

I went out this morning, in the rain, on foot (partially because I accidentally locked my keys in the room, and partially because Cody saw a cyclist get hit by a delivery truck which scares me...), to Boots to buy cold medicine because I've been basically miserable for the last 24 hours. I got really wet, and really confused, but somehow ended up back at Keble for lunch with a bag or various cold remedies, none of which I recognize. Then I traipsed back out in the rain to Blackwell's where I got a very welcome cup of hot tea from the Cafe Nero people who are beginning to feel like my best buddies, and attempted to read W.B. Yeats until it was time for Chaucer (which is incidentally just down Broad street at Trinity, if you weren't aware). Arriving at Chaucer I made a complete fool of myself because I was so fuzzy-headed I could barely form sentences, and definitely couldn't manage analytical thought of any sort, although fortunately, Jeremiah did a lot of talking to compensate for my dumbness. And then I dragged my sorry carcass back to the house (which takes SO much longer without a bike), and I felt like the day was sort of summed up by the big truck that drove past and splashed a bunch of muddy puddle water all over me. Now I'm perched on my bed like a sad little bird, contemplating the paper I haven't started writing for Modern Irish tomorrow, and all the May Day festivities that  I'm going to miss out on tonight due to a combination of excess work and disease.

So there's my day. Hey, tomorrow can only get better, right? ;)

In other news... um... I can't think of any other news. My head is too fuzzy.

I'll try this again when I'm more coherent... But until then, here's something that's sustaining me at the moment:

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.

Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and cry to her 

that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned,

that she has received from the Lord's hand

double for all her sins.

A voice cries:

'In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord;

make straight in the desert a highway for our God.

Every valley shall be lifted up,

and every mountain and hill be made low;

the uneven ground shall become level,

and the rough places a plain.

And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed,

and all flesh shall see it together,

for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.'"

 (Isaiah 40:1-5)

You Play Your Stereo Loud, You've Got Your Headphones On

We were reunited with the sun today. I felt myself smiling like a fool as I rode my bike through town, basking in the afternoon glow, and an aura of fresh knowledge. I haven't even had my first tutorials yet, but I already feel as though a new world of literature is opening in front of me. It has more depth than I ever imagined, and it's so inextricably connected with every discipline and every aspect of life. In preparation for Chaucer, I've been reading first century philosophy, C. S. Lewis, and Italian poets like Boccaccio and Dante, and going to various lectures about Chaucer and Troilus and Criseyde, as well as reading the text itself. I will never be able to read everything I could/should for class, but it's very empowering to get such a variation of perspectives and to go into a piece of literature with so much context. In other words, this system is pretty neat.

For all of you dorks out there, here's an experience you can appreciate with me: yesterday afternoon I walked around listening to my ipod and just looking at everything surrounding me, setting my memories and mental pictures to music (apparently Innocence Mission is the overarching theme for this trip). It was awesome. ;)

And speaking of awesome/me being a dork: I think I'm on the Keble ballroom team now... I'm not really sure. I went to their ballroom lesson last night, just to see what it was like and for a study break, and by the time it was over they were assuring me that they would find me a partner for the upcoming competition (which, humorously enough, might end up being Danielle). Wait... what? They want me to do the Jive (which, by the way, is a really fun, and really FAST sort of swing... although they classify it as latin). I just learned the basic steps to the dance last night, and it was pretty overwhelming, but apparently the deal with the competition is that you have to have at least one unexperienced dancer in each dance (I definitely qualify...). I don't know if I'll actually end up doing it, but I'm gonna go back next week and play it by ear.

Now I have to find my robe and cycle up to Keble for dinner. We had our first formal dinner last night and none of us knew what to do. Plus, the whole robe thing just felt like maybe it was a cruel joke at our expense. However, I can personally attest that, yes, they do actually wear robes to dinner. 

To all the Covenant folk: good luck with finals!! Hang in there!

At the Bottom of Everything

Well, I'm about to turn in my last History essay, and then I only have one more paper to write before seminars are behind me. I think these two classes will look a lot better in hindsight than they look from within... sort of like reading Moby Dick.

And speaking of wonderful literature, Kathleen and I've just returned from meeting with our Modern Irish Lit Tutor. Her name is Dr. Clare Conners (she told us to call her Clare) and she is probably in her early 30s, and she promises to be the most awesome tutor ever!! I cannot wait to sink my teeth into manageable amounts of Joyce, Yeats, Heaney, Beckett, Bowen and Synge. 

Kathleen and I found our way to Queen's College on High street and entered it to be awed by the gorgeous quad: a carefully kept courtyard of white and purple flowers surrounded by towering ancient walls and stained glass windows. I has a much more intimate and official feel to it than Keble. Dr. Conners met us at the Porter's office and led us through a labyrinthine corridor to her office. When she opened the door I think I might have visibly drooled a little bit. She has an adorable little office overlooking the garden, with magnolia blossoms peeking in the open window. The ceiling has exposed, finished beams running across it and every surface in the room is cluttered with an assortment of books, papers, teapots, coffee cups and little trinkets. (it's basically a lot like Ralston's office, except even more cozy and British)

So, suffice to say, that I'm extremely excited and encouraged from this meeting. I think I will actually enjoy this tutorial and be able to embrace the work much more enthusiastically. 

Cheers!

PS -for any Philip Pullman fans out there: I was bad yesterday and I bought a copy of his newest little book (Once Upon a Time in the North), as well as a copy of Northern Lights (The Golden Compass). I just think it's cool looking and it's novel cause it has a different title. I'm bummed because apparently Pullman spoke at a literary festival here the weekend I was in London. I had no idea... *sigh*

Brush the Cobwebs off the Sky

Many days have passed since I last posted... I'm sorry about that. Life has been a blur of frantic study beneath domed ceilings.  

Highlights of the past couple weeks:

• Wrote papers
  
• Read books
• Went to London with Susan (which was wonderful, by the way... except for the sketchy hostel we stayed in...)
• Read more books, so that I could write more papers
• Went to class
• Prepared presentations
• Had a pint or two
• Wrote papers
• Read more books

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's one of those gloomy days when there are just enough dark clouds to make you pensive, and just enough sunlight peeking thru them to fill you with hope. I walked the streets of city center alone today; Just me and my God, with tears in my eyes and a smile on my lips. The true beauty of unflinching grace is so far beyond these streets and these buildings, and yet each stone is permeated with a divine caress, as if every inch of creation has felt His mercy in some capacity. The trees in the garden outside are reaching their bare arms up towards the sky with a sort of understated urgency, as if they long to be made new. And surely, the spring will bring them new life. It occurs to me that these seasons are working themselves out in my very heart. Somehow, the cold, hard earth in me becomes warmer, more fertile, more resilient day by day. Divine love works hourly in my heart to cover bare limbs with flowering fruit. 

I went back to St. Ebbes this morning, accompanied by friends who have become dear to me in these few weeks (Katie, Em, Cody and Jeremiah). As always, it was refreshing to be amidst God's people. And if that wasn't enough, I happened to run in to some other American students I had been hoping to meet (Mallory's cousin Ryan, his girlfriend Janel, and some other friends of theirs), and got to have tea and talk to them a bit after the service, before heading to Blackwell's and burying myself in a book.

Tomorrow is the first day of the last week of seminars. Even now, while I'm here, this whole experience seems more like a dream than reality. I rode my bike especially slow on the way home today, trying to soak in every building, every street, every park and pub and illustrious old wooden door. Monday next (that's how we say it at Oxford...) I will start my tutorials, which promise to be vaguely (or perhaps precisely) akin to drinking from a fire hydrant. Ryan and Janel told me today that 2 weekly tutorials is more than most Oxford students do in a term (or so they think). This is interesting, considering that I'm taking 2, plus cricket. But, come on, I go to Covenant, and this is just Oxford. Mere child's play ;)

More things I'm learning:

• the unparalleled thrill of an unopened envelope and the joy of familiar handwriting on folded paper
• the true genius of Radiohead (I admit, I've been a doubter in the past, but something about Oxford opens one's eyes)
• you will never experience Oxford it you're afraid of getting your feet (and the rest of you) wet
• sometimes a smile impacts you more than any work of literature or art (so don't be stingy)
• pigeons aren't actually very intimidated by bicycles, but that doesn't mean you have to pander to them. Stand your ground! (my bicycle, by the bye, has been affectionately dubbed Marlow, after Conrad's infuriating narrator) 

If you are reading this, chances are that you are in my thoughts, and I have possibly seen you on the streets of Oxford (it's crazy how often I think I see people I know in the faces of strangers). I hope you are well!